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Unlearning the Pressures of Conforming and Losing Your Whimsy

Unlearning: Chapter 2

One of the universal moments in every girl's life, perhaps even every person's, is that moment when you realize you've grown up too fast. When you look through your closet and it hits you that you own nothing pink anymore, and that none of your shoes have ribbons or glitter on them. When you can't remember the last time you used chalk or spent a day not thinking about universities or jobs or some other aspect of your ever-changing future. I used to have dreams about princesses and movies, and now I wake up in cold sweats over class schedules and driving. Yikes. I never imagined that at this stage of life, when I'm hanging at the precipice of my future, I would be so uncertain about anything. Part of the reason I grew up so quickly was because I was so eager to. Why would I waste my time being a six-year-old when I could prove to people how ready I was to be an adult? When all of my friends stopped liking Frozen and Shopkins and Barbie dolls, I did too because I didn't want to seem childish. To be young seemed like the worst thing in the world to me. But now that I'm at the point in my life where everyone expects me to be mature, I find myself dreading it with every fibre of my being. I remember thinking my greatest achievement would be getting called serious, and now I can't help but think that all it would do is confirm my worst fears; that I'm losing my vibrant spark at the hands of adulthood.


So where did this all begin? I haven't always hated the idea of growing up. No, I used to relish in it. I loved every birthday party, every holiday; I used to circle the clothes and furniture in magazines that I would have when I was older, the kinds of things I couldn't have now, but I would have someday. The idea of "someday" was how I got through the day, because someday I would get everything I wanted. But everything I wanted somehow became everything everyone else wanted. I didn't want twinkle-toe shoes anymore and platform heels that were half the length of my legs; I wanted Vans and Converse, the Birkenstocks that all of my friends wore. It wasn't cool to just wear lip gloss, so I had to buy mascara and blush or whatever else Sephora was trying to sell to a girl much too young to be shopping there. I was becoming an echo-chamber of the people I surrounded myself with, dressing in the latest trends when I didn't really like Ardene, and playing video games on my friend's iPad when we had princess dresses waiting to be worn in the backs of our closets. I know I grew up too fast, but the world forced me to in a way - in the same way it's forcing young girls now. When I go to the mall, I see children picking through the racks at Aritzia, wearing LuluLemon leggings, and carrying black and white striped bags at their hips. They're acting more grown-up than I do, when their only job is to be a child.


photo credit: kaboompics.com
photo credit: kaboompics.com

According to Business Insider, Mattel doll sales have been down 19% since last year. Some argue it's from advertising or doll quality, but I think the truth is that the age girls stop playing with Barbies is getting significantly younger. They reported that Hot Wheels has seen a 10% increase in sales, most likely because the expectations of growing up are less demanding for boys of the same age group. Boys go from playing with toy cars to collecting fancier die-cast versions of them. But as a girl, slowly your friends stop playing house and start scrolling through Instagram, and it's easier to follow them rather than having to learn to play on your own. Once you give in, scrolling through the plethora of women, you realize they're all older than you, all seemingly "more beautiful," and all you want is to be just like them. So the rest of the toys you had are donated, your kiddie clothes become hand-me-downs for your siblings, and you try your best to look thirty-something as a twelve-year-old. It's a heavy burden to carry. It. Burns. You. Out. And it damages not only your image of yourself, but your image of what getting older is. It becomes about fitting in, having people like you, and hiding the parts of yourself that you think make you different from anyone else. You lose any defining qualities of yourself to the mob mentality of society. But it doesn't have to be that way.


There is no rulebook on how to live your life, contrary to popular belief. Yes, you've lost your childhood innocence, the kind that came with rose-coloured glasses and the ideology that the world is good. But there's absolutely nothing stopping you from believing the world can be good again. I'm not saying to turn a blind eye to your responsibilities and assume a role of naivety. Rather, understand that it's hard to grow up, but fall in love with the whole act of it anyway. Learn that you don't need to embrace maturity at the cost of losing yourself. Maybe for you, that's buying a pink drink at Starbucks, or using a rainbow gel pen to write your to-do tasks with. It doesn't have to be a huge change; it doesn't even have to be something against the current trends; it just has to be something you do for yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting to fit in, but it has to be for the right reasons. Similar to how you wouldn't expect a size five shoe to fit size eight feet, you shouldn't expect yourself to fit into a mould too small for yourself. You shouldn't be trying to shrink your personality to adhere to societal expectations. You should never be punished for not being contained. You are never too loud or too messy or too intense. And if the rest of the world cannot see that, it is not your job to make them like you. The only obligations you have are to yourself, nobody else. It's never been a question of whether you were too much; only a question of whether the rest of the world was enough.


Start with the pink drink and the rainbow pen, and if that's all the whimsy you need in your life, that is okay. But do things for yourself, not for the prying eyes of others. In a world where no matter what you do, someone will have an opinion or a problem, why not do what you want? Yes, it's hard, and yes, no one is truly ever free from criticism. But as Sonny Hayes says in the F1 movie (I cannot believe I am quoting him), "What do you care what they say? It's just noise." Look to every celebrity or successful person you know - at some point, someone didn't like what they did. Whether it was Tom Holland, being bullied for his love of dance and acting, or Lady Gaga, whose peers made a Facebook page dedicated to her downfall, it isn't easy not to fit in with everyone else. But look at them now. And just think about all of the wonderful things you could be if you'd let yourself.


If you're not sure where to start, might I recommend watching a few chick-flicks, maybe even a few kids' movies? My personal favourite is Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009), which perhaps seems like a poor choice considering she lies about her debt for the majority of the movie. But despite this slight road bump, Rebecca stays true to herself and her style. Even when she sees how different she and Alicia, the girl who got the job she wanted, are, she doesn't change herself to fit in. She knows she belongs in the same places Alicia does, no matter how different they act or dress. She never compromises her true self for the approval of others. I also think that Rebecca's fashion in the movie is absolutely peak, and if you want to know what manic-pixie-dream-girl looks like in clothes, look no further than her. Legally Blonde (2001) is another great example of never conforming to the ideas of others. Elle knows she's loud, sparkly, and fabulous, and never once does she apologize for it in the movie. Who cares that she was going to law school in pink when everyone else wore suits and ties and "black when nobody's dead" (Legally Blonde the Musical reference)? She sure didn't. She knew exactly what she wanted and didn't let going to a serious school or pursuing a serious career stop her from being the same bright person she'd always been. She's proof that you can make the current you proud while making the younger, wide-eyed version of yourself proud, too.


photo credit: egosumtamsola and popsugar on Pinterest


The other films I'd recommend checking out are Tinker Bell (2008) and KPop Demon Hunters (2025). They are children's films, but they hold up for people of any age. Tinker Bell is about learning that you belong, just as you are, when you surround yourself with the right people. And KPop Demon Hunters is about not hiding your flaws, but embracing them. Both fit with this theme of accepting that life isn't a "one size fits all" kind of deal, and discovering how the rest of the world fits into you, not how you fit into it. Personally, whenever I fall into a slump or need inspiration on how to change something in my life, I turn to movies. Nothing makes me want to go to the thrift store and buy every outrageous thing I see more than early '90s rom-coms, and coming-of-age films remind me of the person I wanted to be before I had to grow up, and how I still want to be that same person.


There will be growing pains that come along with becoming who you're sometimes afraid to be. At some point, you'll wear something that isn't "trending" or say something a little out of the status quo. Maybe someone will stare, or someone will tell their mom about how crazy this person they met was. Or maybe - just maybe - some little girl will see you in the mall or at a coffee shop, wearing polka dots and listening to the Twelve Dancing Princesses soundtrack, and she'll think: "That's who I want to be when I grow up." Even if you don't embrace your inner whimsy for the current you, do it for the tinier version who couldn't wait to grow out of her plastic heels so she could wear real ones, who hosted tea parties with her stuffed animals so she could one day have them with her friends. Do it for the little girl who sees you across the parking lot and realizes she'll never be too old for pink and glitter and Fancy Nancy books. Do it so that her someday becomes your today.


Go out and buy those red cowboy boots with a matching hat; get a notebook that comes with a keypad or lock covered in glitter; learn how to write in cursive and send letters to your friends instead of texts. Do things that make you happy, make up for the time you wasted trying to be an adult when being a "grown-up" is just a stage of life. It doesn't define you, it doesn't force you to be someone you're not. Your age does not determine whether it's acceptable for you to wear matching pyjamas with your dog or throw TV show watch parties with all of your girlfriends. Only you do. Wear that bright orange scarf in your closet because Taylor Swift has officially made orange the new pink (sorry, Elle). Try out a new lipstick shade and tell that girl on the street that she's the most stunning person you've ever seen. Learn to sew and bake heart-shaped cookies, and accept with the upcoming fall season that you really hate pumpkin spice lattes and only pretended to like them because everyone else does. You only get one life, one chance to wear the wrong coloured shoes with the right coloured dress and own it anyway. Don't waste it fitting yourself into being someone you're not.



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